Carry Me Home
by The Alleycat Ulan
Summary: When you can't run, you crawl and when you can't crawl-when you can't do that... You find someone to carry you. -In which Newt and Alby talk after Newt's suicide attempt. Tags: Nalby, post suicide attempt, light angst, fluff.


**Carry Me Home**

_When you can't run, you crawl and when you can't crawl-when you can't do that... You find someone to carry you._

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><p>Muted voices gnawed at the edge of his consciousness and Newt tried to move away from them; he just wanted to sleep. The last thing he could remember was a terrible all consuming pain and he wasn't going to lie to himself; if he had to wake up to that again he'd rather not wake up at all. Sleep as least made everything dull and far away and relatively painless. Sleep was good. Sleep was his friend.<p>

His body was beginning to throb and Newt groaned, trying to shrink away from it; only he couldn't really tell where it was coming from in the first place. He groaned again; moving had made the throbbing worse, but the voices had gone away so that was something.

"You might have Jeff fooled, but I know you're only pretending to be asleep shuckface."

The pit of his stomach dropped right through the bed and onto the ground at the sound of that voice. He hadn't realised _he_ was here. Of all the people in the bloody Glade _he_ was the last person Newt wanted to see right now. Or ever for that matter. He felt like he was on fire.

Newt determinedly kept his eyes closed,"Indulge my fantasy." His voice didn't sound right, it was all dry and cracked and broken sounding. No, maybe it was more poetic that way, it probably suited him better.

Something damp and soft dabbed over his face and coolness washed through him. Oh, so that's why everything was so bloody hot. He had a fever. And bloody hell, there was a horrible pounding coming from... everywhere...

"This is the one time I'm gonna have to say no." The warm, deep voice was tender and gentle; a special tone reserved just for him and it made Newt's stomach drop further; burying itself deep into the dirt. Newt pursed his lips and willed himself to remain silent. He felt Alby shift nearby, pulling his chair closer.

"Newt," he said (and Newt's stomach sank a bit further into the ground). "I'm not here to talk about what happened. I just... I just want to talk to you."

Newt wondered if Alby could hear his heart crumbling into thousands of pieces or if it was just him.

"I don't want to talk," Newt muttered but the words stuck in his dry throat and he began coughing. He jolted up to try and ease the cough and then pain was racing through his body. It was suffocating, he couldn't catch his breath and his head was spinning and he was flushing hot and cold and and and

And an arm found its way across his shoulders and a hand pressed a cup to his lips. The cool liquid trickled down his throat and the coughing subsided. The spinning slowed and the pain dulled and isolated itself primarily to his left leg. The arm around his shoulders remained steady.

"Better?"

"Yeah." Newt kept his eyes fixed firmly on the sheets clenched in his hands but Alby was having none of that.

"Newt," he said again, "Newt, look at me."

Newt couldn't bring himself to ignore the pleading tone to Alby's voice. Slowly, he raised his gaze until Alby's eyes were boring into his own. Newt wanted to turn his face away but Alby placed a firm hand on his cheek and held him there.

"I need you, Newt. More than you know."

Newt pushed Alby's hand away. "Don't, just don't." He hugged his arms to his chest, too scared to move his legs or look Alby in the eye again. He was scared that one wrong word would see the only world he knew crashing down around him.

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Can you- can you just... leave, please," Newt muttered finally, staring once again determinedly at the sheets.

"No."

"I told you I don't want to talk!" Newt snapped, anger rising quickly to the surface of the raging mess inside him. Alby's arm was still firm around his shoulders and Newt roughly pushed it away. Alby let his arm drop to his side and regarded Newt for a moment.

"I know. But I told you, I need you. Here. With me."

Newt sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his frustration quickly dissipating as was often the case when it came to Alby. "What does that even mean?" he asked finally, casting Alby a searching look.

"It means exactly what it means," Alby replied, his tone cryptic. Shuck, Newt hated it when he did that.

"That's not an answer," he sighed.

"I need you here, in the Glade. You could be my second-in-command, when I'm not around."

"Oh and here I thought you were being romantic," Newt grumbled and was rewarded with a warm chuckle.

"Do you want me to be romantic?" Alby asked.

Voice catching in his throat, Newt faltered, "I... I don't know what I want anymore," he said, pressing his palms to his eyes. The bed sunk slightly as Alby sat on it and wrapped his arm once more around Newt's shoulders, drawing the ginger so close he could hear Alby's heartbeat. Newt hadn't even realised he was crying.

"What are we doing here, Al?" Newt asked, face still buried in his hands.

"I don't know," Alby answered honestly.

"What're we going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything?"

"I know I need you."

"You've already said that, several times."

"I know."

They lapsed into silence once again. Newt pressed closer to Alby, nestling his head under the older boy's chin. It was hot and Newt could feel the sweat prickling all over his body but he didn't care; Alby's presence was the only thing keeping him grounded now.

"I'm sorry," Newt whispered.

"Don't be."

"But-"

"No. Don't ever be sorry." Alby's arms tightened protectively around around him. "What happened, happened. You're here now and that's what matters."

"No, I-"

"Stop it," Alby shifted, pulling away from Newt gently and settling himself back in the chair he'd pulled up to the bed. "You need to rest. You're hurt, and really sweaty and gross."

"You charmer," Newt said sarcastically, a frown crossing his face. The pain in his leg had been steadily increasing and Alby's words had confirmed his suspicion. "I'm not going to run again, am I?"

Alby shook his head and Newt gave a small half shrug, "I guess I deserved that."

Alby frowned, "Don't-" Newt waved him off.

"And what the hell does 'when you're not around' mean?" Newt fixed him with an accusing glare.

Alby sighed and tried to find the words, but before he could Newt spoke again. "I'll do it. The second-in-command thing. If you promise to always be around, okay?"

"What, so then you'll never have to do anything?"

"Yeah," Newt found his energy quickly draining away and he lay back. Alby leant forward, arms propped on the edge of the bed.

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"You're lying."

"Yeah."

Newt stared up at the roof and half-consciously he reached out his arm. Alby's warm hand closed around his own and Newt's eyes began to drift closed. The pain was getting stronger, the throbbing more insistent.

"So it really is true then." Newt murmured squeezing Alby's fingers.

"What is?"

"If you can't run, you crawl and when you can't crawl-when you can't do that..." Newt found his mind drifting as pain clouded his thinking.

"You find someone to carry you." Alby finished easily.

"Yeah.."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, y'know, I couldn't run..anymore -or crawl- and you..."

"I?"

"You carried me out of the maze." Newt's voice grew firmer and he opened his eyes to watch Alby's reaction.

"I thought you wouldn't remember that," Alby said in surprise.

"It's... kinda hard to forget," Newt replied, his eyes slipping closed again.

"I wish I could," Alby said quietly, his eyes leaving Newt's face for the first time.

"I'm sorry," Newt whispered.

"It's okay. You're here now,"

They were silent for a moment.

"Alby?"

"Yeah?"

"I.. need you too... shuckface."

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><p><em>Thanks for reading, lovelies! Please leave a review :3 I've also posted this on Ao3 and you can find me on tumblr (link on my profile).<em>


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